I Would Take You Anywhere
by foreverbadatwriting
Summary: Tegan and Sara. Quincest. Sara goes home to find Tegan on her doorstep. After inviting her inside, events unfold and their entire lives turn upside down.
1. Chapter 1

**I've had this one for a while. I hate uploading fic without a second chapter already complete but the new chapter should be finished soon so I don't mind so much. I hope you like this. Please review and all that jazz. And as usual, enjoy.**

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I sat at the table in the coffee-shop and stirred my spoon around in the coffee. It was untouched and probably cold by now. I was too obviously tired. Underneath my eyes looked grey and I zoned out too regularly.

"Excuse me," I looked up to see the young waitress. She looked at me, her face painted with a worried expression. "We're closing now," she confirmed. I glanced around the room. It was completely empty. I rubbed my eyes before standing up from the table. I brushed my bangs away from in front of my eyes and turned back to the waitress.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled just loud enough for her to hear it. She nodded and watched cautiously as I left. I didn't bother looking back. She knew me fairly well since I was a regular customer. We hadn't properly spoken apart from exchanging small talk between purchasing coffee. She was pretty. If I'd made the effort to speak to her, I probably would've fucked her by now but I didn't want to find a new place to buy coffee. It was cold outside but I chose to ignore that and just keep to myself. Luckily, my apartment wasn't too far away so I didn't have far to walk. I had no idea now long I'd been out for or how long I'd sat in that coffee-shop. I checked my watch. 8:00pm. Fuck. That couldn't be good.

As I approached my apartment, I noticed someone sat outside. At first, I thought it was one of the neighbours but then I noticed the suitcase. From where I was, I could make out that it was a girl. She looked exhausted. Then, I could make out her face. Tegan. She recognised me and stood up, her eyes glazing over as if there were tears. "Tegan? What are you dong here?"

"I was supposed to be staying with you this weekend?" She sounded annoyed as hell.

I suddenly remembered that she actually was meant to be staying with me this weekend. It had been organized for weeks. "Sorry, I forgot, genuinely. How long have you been here?"

"Well, I got here at 3:00pm so five hours. Why were you gone so long Sara? I'm fucking freezing. And I left you messages." She folding her arms across her chest and shifted awkwardly. I pulled my blackberry out of my pocket reading the 27 missed calls and 56 unread text messages. I felt bad now. Not because I'd been gone for so long, but because of my inefficiency. Tegan was shaking from the cold and she looked like she was about to collapse from holding back tears, if that was even possible.

"I'm really sorry Tegan. Look, just, we'll go inside and I'll make you some coffee or something." I brushed passed her and unlocked the door. Tegan hesitantly picked up her case before coming inside. She was still annoyed and if it wasn't for the cold, she would've walked away with her pride.

Immediately upon getting inside, Tegan crashed onto my sofa and sprawled out leisurely. "Coffee?" I asked, already assuming the answer. She nodded in my general direction, turning on the TV and flicking restlessly through the channels. I didn't want her to be here. The reason I'd gone out today was to escape myself. I'd been on a bit of a downward spiral recently and slipped back into old habits of just drinking coffee and forgetting to eat anything. The appointment with my therapist wasn't until next week, so I'd just have to deal with it until then. I hadn't been sleeping well lately either. My life was a mess, and the last thing I wanted was to pretend like it wasn't for Tegan.

I put the mugs filled with coffee on the table before forcefully pushing Tegan in an attempt to sit down. She put her feet over my legs, refusing to sit up. She'd put on some awful reality TV show. I just wanted to go to bed and read, but since I'd locked her outside, this was my effort to make it up to her. She made no effort to engage in small-talk, so I didn't either. I couldn't fight how awkward this felt, though. Something just didn't feel right.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Checking my watch, it was 12:00am. Exactly four hours since I'd left the coffee shop. Approximately three hours and forty-five minutes of being in the company of Tegan. She sat up then, rubbing her eyes and struggling against the exhaustion. Getting up, she padded towards the bathroom. Her joints clicked as she stretched her unused muscles. I was beginning to get tired of her shit. She'd hardly spoken to me since she got here. I couldn't figure out if she was giving me the silent treatment or just being a brat. She walked out the bathroom inched her head, incidentally messing up her hair. Suddenly, I just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. "So, what? You're not talking to me now?" I yelled at her.

She looked startled by my sudden outburst and immediately got defensive. "What the fuck, Sara? I didn't do anything?"

"Don't you fucking dare play innocent with me Tegan!" I stood up now, balling my hands into fists and inching towards her.

"Sara, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Without realising, I'd backed her against the wall and my face was so incredibly close to hers. Out of frustration, I grabbed her collar, still pissed at her. But then, I wasn't quite sure what I was actually pissed about.

She smirked wickedly and bit her bottom lip. Anxiety washed over me, contemplating our current situation. She lunged forward, capturing my lips with hers. Then, I don't know what possessed me, I kissed her back. I still had her collar in a death grip, which seemed to only make it worse because I felt like I was pushing her onto me. She grabbed the hem of my shirt, immediately giving her an advantage over my hips. I then moved my hands to her neck, proceeding to her hair. I felt desperate, like I needed this. I kissed her with such passion, ravishing her lips aggressively. She clawed at my hips, forcing my own onto hers, grinding subconsciously. I gasped then, not quite realising just how much I wanted this up until now.

Reluctantly removing myself from her temporarily, I guided us to my bedroom; hurrying along the carpet and racing for the door. I lead her into the dark room, not wasting any time in removing her clothes. The shirt was the first to come off, but I pushed her onto the bed before removing her jeans. I took off my pants for her, feeling like I was hovering around her on the bed. I left taking my shirt off, the want to touch her again just made me feel hasty. I climbed on top of her, positioning myself between her legs and letting myself explore her curves with my fingertips. I bit at her neck, loving the way she winced under her breath. "Sara, please," she whimpered. But this only prompted me to crawl down her body. I crouched at the end of the bed, letting her legs dangle off the edge. I pulled down her underwear, biting my lip with anticipation. Tegan was wet, like, a lot. That was all I needed to know that she wanted this.

Teasing, I slowly licked up her thigh, creating the tension until I reached the middle. Her skin shuddered under my tongue and she bucked her hips in utter desperation. I dipped inside, digging my fingers into her thighs for support. Her stomach rolled and she buried her fingers within my hair; tugging, guiding. She moaned loudly, just motivating me to carry on. With her other hand, she held on firmly to the bed sheets, which took a lot of the pressure off my hair. I considered trying to get myself off but quickly brushing the idea off. It would be too awkward.

I gazed up, enthralled by her. Her breasts moved in time with her chest movements, above her flailing lungs. Her ribs looked to be perfectly constructed, rarely being exposed. My eyes trailed lower to her stomach, exquisitely toned and slender. She usually hid her curves under layers of baggy clothing, but like this, you could really tell how feminine she was. Tendons in her neck were strained as she clenched her teeth, veins throbbing under the skin. Honestly, in those moments I wanted nothing more to kiss her jaw line, but feeling how close she was becoming, I think she'd be very unforgiving toward it. Her arms were flawlessly sculptured too. They were unusually muscular for a female, but that turned me on in a sense. Before now, I hadn't realised how hot the way someone's skin moves over their bones was... as creepy as that sounds, it felt precious to me.

Her hair tumbled in front of her eyes and stuck itself to her forehead, moist with sweat. "Sara," her voice cracked and trembled under the intensity, "Sara, I'm gonna cum." Her eyes shut tight and her grip on my hair magnified in force. She began to moan loudly and arched her back. Her legs shivered against the sides of my head and her whole body came to a holt. Her walls clenched and ecstasy washed over her, rippling through her existence.

Her relaxed again and collapsed onto the bed, her breathing left ragged and stifled. It was like her entire being was on the brink of complete physical exhaustion. I climbed back up her body, leaving kisses as I went, not being able to disguise the smile as I reached her face. I went to bite her bottom lip when she turned her head away from me. She was crying. She twisted onto her side and lay in a foetal position, tears rolling down her cheeks. I climbed from on top and lay next to her, intentionally, facing the ceiling with Tegan's back to me. Sitting up, I removed my shirt now finally, and tucked untidy strands of hair behind my ears. Worried about Tegan, I glanced at her again, finding her soundlessly sobbing to herself. I lay back down properly and rolled onto my side. I placed a hand around her waist and tangled out legs together. I didn't necessarily want to cuddle, and probably wouldn't if she wasn't crying, but I couldn't leave her like this. Surprisingly enough, she didn't stop me, silently accepting my embrace.

I kissed her shoulder from behind until I felt her vibrations cease and she stopped sobbing. When she was finally asleep, I could rest knowing she was okay. As abrupt as this seemed, I completely understood her reaction. Tegan caved under guilt sometimes, and I think everything just happened too fast for her to have a chance to adjust. Being the more collected twin of the two of us, I was still able to keep a straight face in the company of others, regardless of my troubles, whether that be Tegan or anyone else.

My worries subsided and my thoughts were put to temporary rest. Sleeping by her side was one of the greatest pleasures I'd ever experienced. Our breaths weaved gentlely in and out of one another and the sticky sweat of our activities clung to our skin; refusing to let us take away the evidence. For now, I didn't want to remove that evidence because I didn't want to forget this. I wouldn't let myself forget this. I couldn't forget this.


	2. Chapter 2

**This next chapter is kind of long because I combined two chapters together because they didn't make sense separately. The second part of this chapter sounds really rushed and I do apologize for that and hope I can make it up in the next one. Anyways, enjoy.**

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I awoke the next morning to find the light glaring harshly through the window. Coming around, I noticed Tegan still lay in my arms, sleeping peacefully. For a third party member, I guess this could look very picturesque like something out of a movie. Patches of my skin were sticky from where I'd slept against Tegan and my arm was still around her waist, exactly where it had been all night.

Moving away then, I rubbed my eyes and soothed my hair out of my eyes. I made the decision to have a shower before Tegan woke up. Not wanting to disturb her, I gathered up clothes and moved them into the bathroom. Just before I completely left her, I wrapped one of the sheets over her; not quite realising how our bodies had been so exposed.

I turned on the shower, setting the temperature as high as I could bear and climbed underneath the scorching water. Now it was my turn to cry, in silence. No one could know about my tears and the best way to hide them, was the ingenious invention of the shower. Only now could I let the guilt affect me. It hit Tegan straight away last night, but I was always more reserved than her. I pressed my fingers over closed eyelids and wearily forced tears out, surrendering to a sob every so often. Suddenly, feeling overwhelmed, I crouched down in the tub, hugging my knees to my chest. I was numb. That was the only way the describe it. Tears just ran from my eyes on their own accord now.

I haven't the faintest idea how long I was sat there for. Probably somewhere around the fifteen minutes mark; dwelling in the silence. My thoughts then went to Tegan, picturing her body entangled in my sheets, my bed, where my own body had been sheer moments ago. A smile forced its way onto my lips and I caved to my feelings towards her. I'm fairly certain she was the only person who could make my moods change this abruptly.

I shut off the shower then, climbing out of the tub and finding the nearest towel to me. My skin was a fresh pink colour and I buzzed in the healthy glow. I dried myself off, ruffling my hair with the soft fabric. I put on the clothes I'd brought into the bathroom before venturing out in the living room.

After making a cup of coffee, I collapsed into the sofa, sinking into the leather. There was a breeze entering in through the window, which made the curtains wave slightly. Everything seemed so much brighter when it was light outside. The view from my apartment was clean streets and calm traffic, mellowing by. Montreal was, no doubt, a beautiful city; the perfect location for my home.

I relaxed in front of the television for a while, slowly forgetting who I was. That was until the light hum of pouring water brought me out of my trance. It looked like Tegan had woken up. I suddenly began to panic. The anticipation of seeing her again just made me nervous. I tried to act natural, which was ironic because I couldn't have even looked anymore nonchalant if I tried.

Before long, I heard the door disgustingly creak open. She then revealed herself, wearing only a small towel that barely covered her at all. Her hair was still dripping and there were small, little water droplets resting all over her skin. The towel stopped at the top of her thighs and the urge to explore her legs with my eyes was unbearable. Her toned arms hung loosely by her sides and her collar bones jutted out just so perfectly. I fixed my eyes on the TV screen, knowing that my overindulgent disposition would get the better of me. She padded over to the couch and sat down, approximately two feet away from me. Two feet too many, I thought.

We were silent for so long; each minute seemed to just mercilessly drag on. Even though I was looking at the TV, I was very much aware of Tegan. She kept moving her legs, creating a chain reaction in the towel. The want to look at her completely consumed me. My mind was literally only focused on her. Every now and then she would shuffle a little bit, slowly bringing herself closer to me. The anxiety continued to build in my chest as I charted every move she made. Eventually, she crawled over and pressed her lips to mine before I had a chance to react.

The kiss deepened and she moved her hand to the back of my neck. Her hair was still damp but I didn't seem to mind the odd drop falling onto my clothes. I rolled her to lie down and I climbed in-between her legs. The towel hitched up to conveniently expose her and I couldn't help but lick my lips hungrily. I went for the towel, hastily removing it. I traced her hip bones with the pad of my thumbs and bit my lip involuntarily. She gasped a little, taking in my actions. I glanced up at her face then. She smiled that same wicked smile she did last night. I grabbed her thighs hard as I lay down on her body, kissing her again. I licked her bottom lip, asking for entrance which she kindly accepted. Our tongues moved rhythmically against one another and I moved my grip from her thighs to her breasts.

Suddenly, a knock at the door caused me to jolt up and remove my touch from Tegan. "Ignore it," she husked, trying to rope me into another kiss.

"I can't. It's Emy." This seemed to trigger the reaction I'd initially wanted from her. We both got up from the couch and she returned the towel to her body.

"How do you know its Emy," she asked, looking flustered and kind of annoyed.

"Because no one else knocks. She has a key to the front so she doesn't have to use the buzzer."

Tegan pouted and folded her arms across her chest, "How come she gets a key to your apartment?"

I wandered towards the door where my fingers hesitated on the handle, "because she lives nearby and if ever I needed help, she'd be on hand. Anyway, she has a key to my apartment building. Not my actual apartment. It's nothing personal, Tegan." With that, I opened the door. Emy swung her arms around me unexpectedly and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Hey Tegan!" she enthused, waltzing over to my twin. "Get dressed, we're going out." She ushered Tegan into the bedroom and shut the door on her.

"Where?" I asked, still dazed from her eccentric entrance.

"Sarah and I are taking you both out into town. C'mon Sara, did you really think Tegan could visit without us all going out?" She smirked slightly before throwing herself onto the sofa, reminding me of my earlier antics with Tegan.

"Where is Sarah then?" I closed the door to my apartment then I sat down next to Emy.

"She'll be here in a minute. Are you going to go out with your hair like that?" I hadn't done anything to it after my shower so it was still untidy and scruffy.

"Oh, right. I'm on it." I got up and handed her the remote to the TV. I didn't have to say anything else. Walking down the hall, it suddenly occurred to me, my hair straighteners were in the bedroom. _With Tegan_. I took a deep breath before opening the door, only to find her naked on the other side. I quickly slid inside to avoid Emy seeing anything. "I forgot my hair straighteners," I said going over to the other side of the room to collect them. Just as I was about to go, Tegan pulled me into a kiss.

"I can't," she whispered. My hands found her waist and I could feel myself increasingly not wanting to let go. The pressure of Emy waiting outside taunted me too much to give up to Tegan this time. I pulled away, avoiding her gaze. "We'll talk later, okay?" Straighteners in hand, I left her and shuffled back into the safe boundaries of Emy.

Finally, Tegan came back into the living room, sporting a T-shirt and black skinny jeans. Her outfit hugged her curves and revealed her body without showing skin. This killed me. I knew she was doing this on purpose just to tease me. "Okay guys, Sarah's waiting outside, lets go." Emy was the first to leave my apartment but Tegan and I slowly followed. I yelled to her saying I would lock up but Tegan didn't continue with her. She snaked her arms round my waist from behind and held my body tight to hers. She nibbled on my ear, waiting tentatively for me to finish locking up my apartment. I froze in her arms, not particularly wanting anything else but this.

"Come on!" Emy shouted from outside. I really had to break out of the habit of getting too carried away with Tegan, especially around people. However, I knew that Tegan was more afraid of getting caught than I was… she just got off from the tension. I entwined our hands together then. "You know I want to Tegan," I whispered, lightly kissing her before letting go and guiding her towards our waiting companions.

We walked around Montreal for a while. Waving in and out of shops; not really experiencing much motivation for anything in particular. Tegan walked by my side for some of the time. When she did, she would brush the back of her hand against mine and join the occasional finger; just so, that if Emy noticed, it could still look like an accident. It was excruciating.

The day gently eased into evening and we eventually stopped for dinner at this Spanish restaurant that I'd only been to once or twice before. Tegan sat next to me even though I was kind of hoping she wouldn't. Away from judging eyes, under the table, her hand caressed my upper thigh. It was driving me insane. It wasn't even like I could lash out in protest either because then everyone would know. I wasn't complaining though. This contact from Tegan could not be any more wanted. It was just the wrong time and place. I could feel warmth between my legs building and it soon became too much. I needed friction, fast.

I excused myself from the table and ran to the sanctity of the bathroom. I checked to make sure no one was there before locking myself in one of the stalls. This was not something I made a habit of at all. In fact, I hadn't ever done it before this point. I was just so desperate. I unbuttoned my jeans and let my fingers run across my wet slit. Not wasting any time, I plunged two fingers inside of me, grinding against my palm. I thought of Tegan, last night. My mind completely clouded. I hadn't been going for a minute when I felt myself coming close. I made everything I was doing more intense, treasuring the last few seconds before my orgasm. I came quick and hard, managing to make my knees buckle slightly. I licked myself from my fingers before leaving the stall. I washed my hands and straightened myself. My hair was all ruffled and my clothes had gathered creases in certain places. I had a light sheen of sweat on my forehead that I hurriedly wiped away before returned to the table.

I wiped both corners of my mouth upon sitting down. I pulled my chair in and took a large sip of my drink. I found myself out of breath. Tegan knew exactly what I'd done. I knew she knew because she couldn't wipe this smug smile off her face for the rest of the evening. That and she stopped feeling up my thighs.

When we reached the end of the dinner, she said our goodbyes to Emy and got a taxi back to the apartment. We didn't speak but she held my hand. It was tender compared to the rest of our affection that had been shown throughout the day. That felt right. Her, just holding my hand. It felt right.

Getting into the apartment, hugged her hard. Nothing sexual, but it was needy. She returned it with just as much emotion. "I go back to LA tomorrow." She said into the silence.

This felt like a punch to my heart. I didn't want her to leave. Not now. "Right?" I sort of questioned. I had to be an ass at these things. I couldn't tell her I wanting her to stay. That's something she'd do. The thought of sounding desperate just made me cringe so it was better for me not to say anything at all.

"So, I think you should fuck me before I go home." My heart jolted and I could feel my pulse throbbing in my ears. She caught my bottom lip with her teeth and gnawed playfully. I lunged onto her and forced her back against the wall. She gasped and let go of my lip. I pinned her wrists above her head and shoved my thigh between hers. I ran my hands under her t-shirt and tugged it off over her head. My lips went to her chest and neck, where I instinctively started licking and sucking. I quickly made up my mind that I didn't want this to be like last night, I wanted something fast and mindless- like a quick fix.

Pulling away, I guided her to my bedroom, not the first time we'd made this journey. "Take off you clothes," I said beginning to remove my jeans. She did as I said and went to sit on the bed. I joined her quickly, ravishing her naked form. I forgot how good this felt. I positioned us so that our legs had slotted into each other and immediately started grinding. Tegan's arms were shaking as it became increasingly difficult to hold herself up. This sex was intense. It was like every ounce of passion I've ever felt about anyone was poured out into those moments. I shuddered, feeling myself coming closer. It seemed sudden, but I couldn't help it at all. I was being a lightweight today. But it wasn't too bad because by the looks of things, Tegan was there too. It really hadn't taken much to bring her to the top. She gushed before I did, squirting onto me. I just continued bucking my hips until I came over to the edge too. I felt bad grinding her swollen clit when she was already done but I just couldn't refrain.

Sweat completely covered her body and she shimmered against the dim light. I pulled her onto me properly and kissed her lovingly. Despite how the sex wasn't such a tender gesture, I made sure the aftermath would be. Tegan didn't cry this time but she was quiet. I didn't mind, her company was all I needed. The cuddles were short lasted though, since it came to sleep. I think Tegan understood my need to sleep alone. It wasn't an insult on her or anything. I still faced her in bed though. I kind of made me hate the fact that I didn't like touching. She slept sweetly and I wanted nothing more than to hold her close. Why was I like this?

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The next day, Tegan wasn't next to me in bed. Panicking a little, I obtained a baggy shirt and shorts before leaving the bedroom and finding her fully clothed, bag packed in the kitchen. I crept up behind her and buried my head in her shoulder. "You were going to go without saying goodbye?"

She giggled at my apparent sensitivity, "No, of course I was going to say 'bye', I was just making a cup of coffee." I kissed up her neck then, wanting to savour her before she went.

"What time's your flight?"

"Soon, the cab should be here any minute. Speaking of, I should probably head outside." Everything inside me screamed for her to stay. I wouldn't see her again until the tour and it would just kill me to be away from her right now. She was like water slipping out from between my fingers.

She grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder. "I'll see you on tour, okay?" She kissed the corner of my upper lip gently before leaving out the apartment door.

I suddenly felt very alone very quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Bye girls!" Chris shut the door of the tour bus. I lunged for Tegan, dragging her into the bunk area. There was barely any room for one person, let alone two, so our bodies conveniently pressed against one another. The rest of the band had gone out to a bar, but Tegan and I made the excuse of 'just being tired'. We hadn't spoken between the tour and her going back to LA. It was the first night of the tour and it was a day off so we could basically just relax. When Tegan had talked her way out of going to the bar, I knew what she was planning and hastily denied the invite myself. It was times like this, I was glad for being perceptive.

I kissed her hard and reacquainted myself with her lips. "I missed you," she said, hooking her fingers through the belt loops on my jeans and crashed our hips together. I bit my lip at her gesture and cupped her jaw in my hands. She placed her hands gently on my waist, contrasting my desperate aggression. "I have a surprise for you," she whispered between kisses. Not fully pulling away, I rested my forehead on hers and licked my lips, relieving her absence. She reached for the button on her jeans and pulled it apart so I could see its contents. She presented a phallus strapped onto her hips. "Is this okay?" She whispered, our faces still scarily close together. I replied by scraping my tongue against her bottom lip. My response made her giggle whimsically. "I don't want to take too many clothes off in case someone walks in," there was panic in the back of her throat. I felt like I'd momentarily forgotten where I was; _who_ I was. I was completely fine with this, though. It wasn't like I was going to make her do anything that put her out of her comfort zone.

I unbuttoned her shirt, exposing her front. She had a plaid button-up shirt on, which was just the height of convenience for this situation. I placed my hand between her breasts and dragged it down, digging in my fingers. I shoved her jeans part-way down her thighs and took the phallus in my hands. I jokingly imitated a hand job but Tegan was seemingly into it. She then went for my shirt. I had on a baggy black shirt, hiding a thin wife-beater underneath it. I took off my own pants, removing them completely and following them with a pair of boy shorts.

I climbed into her bunk, enjoying the sheets she'd brought from home and admiring the smell of her detergent. She came in after me, slotting herself between my legs. She ran the tip across my slit a couple of times before pushing herself all the way in. "Fuck," I moaned between clenched teeth. It had been a while since someone had used a strap-on on me and it took a few moments to adjust.

"You like that Sar?" she said, beginning to thrust her hips; dragging it out slowly and quickly shoving it back in. Her hands held herself up on either side of me whilst my arms rested lazily on her back; I reached beneath her shirt and dug my nails in, scratching with every thrust. She bit her lips at me seductively, eying me up when doing so. She then started thrusting harder, taking her whole body with her. I spread my legs wider and threw my head back.

"Fuck me, Tegan," my breaths were shallow. My words had encouraged her and her face shimmered with lust. She sped up sufficiently; making my head hit the back of the bunk. I moaned louder, squeezing my eyes shut as the pleasure intensed. "Tegan, I'm gonna cum." She went even faster, putting her entire effort into it. I arched my back and came hard, my juices flowing out of my swollen cunt. She collapsed onto me, letting her arms give way. I rubbed her back with my hands, studying the scratches. I'd drawn blood in a couple of places and now I slightly felt guilty for my over enthusiasm.

Once my breathing had calmed down, she took herself out of me and removed the harness, washing and storing it carefully in her personal belongings. She buttoned her shirt back up and put her jeans back on properly. She handed me my clothes but I continued to just lie there in my boy shorts and wife-beater. She straightened out her hair before climbing back into her bunk with me. She kissed me delicately on the end of my nose and giggled playfully.

We lay there for a while, just enjoying each other's company until she broke the quiet. "Sara, can we talk?"

"What about Tee?" I kissed her forehead where she was lying opposite me.

"Well, about this, about us…" Her fingertips trembled slightly and she chewed on her labret; a nervous habit.

"What is there to talk about?" I knew this was a serious issue. Again, I had to be a dick about these things.

"Come on Sara, you can't really think this is normal, right? You haven't even told me how you feel." I could see her begin to panic now.

"Well… sex is just sex." She then climbed out the bunk. She cracked her fingers and leant awkwardly oh the opposite side.

"Oh," she looked down.

"What?" I propped myself up on my elbow and faced her properly.

"What if I don't want it to be just sex?" My heart pounded hard and I suddenly felt it speed up to a rapid pace.

"What do you want, Tegan?" I sort of began to get annoyed with her naivety.

"I don't know what I want." Her eyes darted everywhere; purposely avoiding me. There was a bit of an awkward pause before either of us said anything else. My eyes were fixed on her; screaming for her to look at me.

"Do you love me?" The words cringed escaping my throat.

"No," she was quick to reply. But then she continued, "maybe… I don't know." Her words faded towards the end.

"Are you _in_ love with me?" I know I wasn't being the best I could be, but right then, I needed the truth. She looked up at me. Her eyes were glazed over and she began sobbing. Tears quickly ran down her cheeks and she covered her mouth with her hand. She collapsed to the floor and sat curled in a ball.

"For fucks sakes," I said under my breath. I climbed out of the bunk then and grabbed my pants, returning them to my body. "What about Lindsey? Do you love her?" I was close to shouting at her.

"Yes," she muttered, nodding toward me.

"Are you _in_ love with her? Tegan started crying harder. Her whole body seemed to shake. I grabbed my shirt, pulling it back on over my head. "This is so messed up." I crouched down next to her and watched as she struggled to rid the tears from her eyes. "Is that why you kissed me… that first time?"

"You kissed back." She had sort of become hysterical. I pulled my bangs out my face, sighing deeply before letting them tumble back across my forehead.

"What I did doesn't matter." She frowned, displeased with my answer.

She sniffled hard before looking up into my eyes, "Why?"

I stood up from her side and wandered away from the bunk area. "Because I wanted it. I hadn't had any physical relations in months by that point. You hit on me and I laid you in my bed. I was fucking vulnerable, all right? And I fucking deserved it. I didn't think about what would happen next. I honestly didn't. I didn't know that you wouldn't be able to handle the guilt, so you'd cry. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt either." I hung my head low; I hated admitting how I felt. She stood up then, just standing outside the edge of the bunk area.

"Do_ you_ love me?" She said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Of course I love you, Tegan. I just don't know if I'm _in_ love with you. And it wouldn't even matter if I did anyway because you know we can't be together. It would ruin our lives. It would jeopardize our career; and I'm not willing to give that up just because I fucked my goddamn sister a couple of times. I'm not. We'd forever be in hiding. We certainly couldn't tell mom, she'd never speak to us again. Do you understand? It fucks everything. Please, don't love me Tegan. I'm_ begging_ you. Don't love me. You don't want me. We had a good run. Just… please…"

"So, what? That's it? We just pretend like nothing happened because that's convenient for you?"

"Just for a while… I didn't even know you had any strong feelings towards me." I walked over to her and cupped her jaw. She didn't want me to but I knew this way, I'd have her undivided attention. "Look, I need time to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Try to understand for me, Tee." She looked at me longingly and in her eyes, I swear I saw her give up.

The door of the bus suddenly swung open and I bounced back quickly away from Tegan. All the guys proceeded to walk in; blissfully unaware of what had taken place. "Show day tomorrow!" Ted wrapped his arms around me excitedly. I did enjoy his drunken self.

"Good night Ted," I hugged him back, slightly anxious to get out of the embrace. I brushed past Tegan, not daring to look her as I re-entered the bunk area. I climbed into mine, closing the curtain and ignoring the human noise outside. I wrapped myself in the sheets tightly. Every muscle in my body was tense. I was shaken up from Tegan's words. I was terrified and it was the first time in a while that I really did not want to wake up the following morning.


	4. Chapter 4

"We're gonna play one last song for you. Thank you so much, you've been a such great audience." Tegan waved and clutched the neck of her guitar, smiling out to the mass amount of faces staring back at her.

"Thank you so much," I added, nodding toward a few particular girls and smiled at them. The stage went dark and the first few notes to Living Room echoed out. The crowd screamed and Tegan rocked out in encouragement. I played along, focusing on the music, swaying my head from side to side a little. I stepped forward to the mic, preparing for my backing vocals.

"I hope I never figure out hope broke your heart," we both sang perfectly at the same time. Tegan shot an icy glance toward me. It felt like she was clawing at my chest, desperately trying to rip out my heart but not quite being able to. She then squeezed her eyes shut and continued singing. Admittedly, I was a little pissed at her behaviour. A few days had passed since the conversation on the bus and she had been determined to avoid any contact with me at all costs. The only words we shared were during sound check and they were kept minimal and strictly about music. I think it had been rubbing off on the rest of the crew. Ted and Chris especially had picked up on the tension. After being with us for so long, they both knew how we acted toward each other. I think they were just too scared to say anything about it though.

Those last few days, I'd watched Tegan deteriorate. Her eyes looked gray and swollen and the sparkle that once was faded from her eyes. She had barely eaten anything from what I saw. It was difficult for me because I knew it was me that caused her this pain. I would've felt more sorry if she wasn't such a brat about it.

Before long, the song was over. Tegan headed quickly backstage. I decided to linger a little longer, handing out setlists to a few audience members before turning away myself. I went back stage to find everyone lounging on the sofas. "Hotel day," Chris tapped my shoulder upon coming into the room. Tegan was talking to Ted, deliberately talking loudly, trying to ignore me. It was really beginning to piss me off.

We stood awkwardly in the lobby, waiting for further instruction. We usually went to hotels earlier in the day but we hadn't got around to it because of bits of press we had to do. Chris handed Tegan and I two key cards, "you guys are in room 206."

"Can't I have a room to myself?" Tegan quickly butted in, panic swarming in her eyes.

"We don't have the budget. Besides, I figured it would be okay, you've shared before." Tegan's head dropped and she bit her lip, suppressing her anger. She paced over to the elevator, hitting the button hard. Chris and I went in beside her, noticeably awkward with her outburst. "I'll see you guys in the morning," he said, turning the other way upon reaching our floor. Tegan had already walked ahead when I came to answer.

"Goodnight Chris," I said, smiling. I followed Tegan, watching her kick open the door to our shared room. She hauled her bag inside angrily and didn't bother holding the door open for me.

"What the fuck is your problem!" I slammed my fist into the wall hard. Tegan looked back at me blankly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She folded her arms across her chest and jutted her hips out to one side.

"Really? You're fucking unbelievable Tegan!" I punched the wall a second time.

"Me? Unbelievable? You're the one who's incompetent."

"Incompetent? What the fuck have I done?" I tightened my fist against the wall, still recovering from that last blow.

"One minute you're fucking me and then you say you have no feelings towards me."

"I never fucking said that. And you're the one who fucked me and now you want nothing more to do with me. Real mature Tegan. I'm tired of your shit." I threw my bag down and climbed into the closest bed. I didn't even bother taking my clothes off and I only kicked off my shoes once I was in bed. I pulled the sheets over my head and shut my eyes tight. Tegan walked around a little, mainly going to the bathroom and then back again. After a while the light was finally shut off and she got into the other bed.

I lay there silent. All I could do was concentrate on breathing. Suddenly, my sheets were pulled open and a body snaked its way in, wrapping its arms around my waist. Out of shock, my body froze but soon relaxed when I recognized the female. "Tegan I-" She cut me off by pressing her lips against mine. She kissed frantically, taking me in as much as possible. She clutched my hips and rolled against them, grinding as much as she could. I gasped, letting my guard down for a second, allowing her to catch my bottom lip with her teeth. She bit down hard, causing me to whimper a little.

She went for my shirt, guiding it up over my head. With my arms up, she clutched my hands above my head, kissing me with more desperation than before. She ran her fingers down my forearms, following that with my biceps. She went to unhook my bra, reaching under the fabric and palming before I even had a chance to take it off. I threw it away from me and knotted my fingers in her hair. I was quickly forced to release my grasp when she went to take off her own shirt. She pressed my body against her and rolled me on top. She grabbed my belt and ripped it open forcefully, pulling open my jeans too. I kicked them off along with my boxers, grinning at her teasingly.

She reached her hand between my legs, touching to my clit with her fingertips. I grabbed her wrist, stopping her abruptly. Catching on, she cupped my jaw and brought my face close to hers. "It's okay… it's okay," she whispered, kissing me delicately. Her hand wandered between my legs a second time, undisturbed. She curled two fingers into me and began drawing them in and out.

I absent-mindedly began grinding against her, pushing her further into me. I felt her fingers drag against my walls which just encouraged me to go faster. She pressed her thumb to my clit and began circling. I threw my head back and exposed my chest to her. I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from moaning too loudly but still hummed my apparent pleasure. I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing only on pounding her fingers. She added another finger, causing my chest to flutter. It felt like my lungs were going to implode. Coming close, I collapsed onto her; burying my head into the pillow. I moaned loudly in ecstasy and let her finish me off. She worked her fingers rapidly and I soon came crashing over the edge. I gushed onto her fingers, panting against her body.

"You still have that strap-on?" I husked, biting the cartilage of her ear.

"Yeah, it's over there," she pointed toward her bag. Before I even had chance I recover, I pulled myself up. I grabbed her harness, tugging it onto my body; flinching when it came into contact with my clit. I was still breathing relatively heavily and a sheen of sweat had coated my torso. I climbed back onto the bed and held her knees. I finally tugged off her boy shorts, discovering her dripping core.

"Spread your legs," she quickly complied, biting her bottom lip. I grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to me. "I'm gonna fuck you." I drew the phallus along her slit before pushing myself inside. Her facial expression instantly changed and she gasped loudly. She clawed at my waist, writhing underneath me. I thrust hard, making her head hit the headboard each time I pushed my hips upon her. She whined in the back of her throat, hinting me to carry on. She began dragging her nails across my back, letting her pleasure be known.

"Harder," she whimpered. I followed instruction, thrusting as hard as my hips would allow. The hotel mattress squeaked and it felt like the single bed was rocking. "Sar, I'm- I'm gonna," she stuttered, knotting her brow.

"Cum for me Tee." She arched her back and dug her nails in hard. I put myself in as far as I could. She held her breath and leant up so her forehead was pressed against mine. Her body shuddered several times before me let go. Her body lay limp underneath me and she gasped for air. I pulled out, taking off the harness and tossing it towards her stuff. I crawled in next to her, snuggling in and resting my head on her chest. She cuddled back and wrapped us into the sheets.

"What was that for?" I snickered, lazily drawing circles with my thumb against her skin.

"I just had to, okay?" She chuckled and kissed the top of my head. She suddenly tensed and the atmosphere went cold. "Have you thought anymore... about us?"

I leant up away from her and rolled to look into her eyes. "Don't get emotional on me, Tee. I just need time, okay?" I leaned in her kissed her gently. I tucked stray strands of hair behind her ear, still sticky from the sweat. "Wait for me," I whispered, folding my arms around her tight. She nodded, kissing me again. I knew she wasn't okay but this was the way it had to be for me right now. I also knew she'd rather have me like this than not have me at all so at least we were both getting orgasms out of this. I slept by her side, not stopping clinging to her body, even in my unconsciousness.

The following morning we were both awakened by a banging on the door. "Sara? Tegan? It's Chris. We have to go. We're running behind schedule, hurry up," the shout echoed through the room. Tegan went to get up but I pulled her back onto me, snuggling into her.

"I just want to stay with you," I said, placing kisses in her neck.

"You gave that up when you got a career," she giggled, harshly using my words. She got up and began putting on her clothes.

I sucked in air through my teeth, "touché." I followed suit and started getting dressed.

Just as we were heading for the door, she grabbed my hip and pulled me into a kiss; passionately massaging her tongue against my own. "I'll miss you today," she whispered before opening the door, forcing a barrier between my affection. I brushed past her, choking back the urges and walking into the judgemental eyes of the world ahead of me.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN**: Sorry it has been so long since I updated this. I've just struggled to find the storylines. This was only read through vaguely so, I apologise for my mistakes. This chapter is really personal for me, as I was thinking a lot about my own situation when writing it, so- I really hope you like it. As usual, enjoy.

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Tegan's change in attitude was quickly noticed by the other band members. She perked up quickly, as if her days of no eating never actually happened. It was suspicious but everyone was happy for her nonetheless. I think to an extent, people were just afraid she'd do something stupid.

Everyone gathered around the bus area; engaging in small talk and other mindless chatter. Tegan stood next to me, the back of her hand brushing against mine; sending endless tingles around my body. "Okay everyone, on the bus," Chris ushered everyone inside quickly, eager to get on the road. He handed out daily schedules to each person before retiring to a bunk. I decided to stay awake and read, considering the fact that I didn't have the weight of Tegan being a brat on my shoulders anymore, I could finally concentrate.

Coincidently, she sat next to me, pushing her thigh hard against mine. She wanted to tease me, I could tell. Ted sat on the other side, talking with Tegan. Tegan spread her legs under the table, forcing her tighter onto me. Eventually, I was forced to put my book down, no longer able to keep my attention on the printed words. I'd read the same page over multiple times, unable to take anything in. Tegan's thigh had become my sole focus. Tegan looked dead ahead at Ted, refusing to look at me. I shoved my hand b etween her legs, making her shift awkwardly and slam her legs together. I joined in the conversation, working my hand in the centre of Tegan's jeans. Whenever her breath hitched, she covered it up by laughing or coughing. I was driving her wild and she knew it. Suddenly, the guilt of Ted being innocently, blissfully unaware took over and I removed my hand from her crotch. I knew Tegan didn't want me to stop but I hoped she understood it was for her own good.

"So Tegan, is Lindsey meeting up with us after the show tonight?" Ted asked, smiling and excited.

"Yeah, she should be, are you coming to the party at our place after?" Tegan smiled back to him.

"If I'm not too tired," Ted chuckled. I felt my face drop. I'd completely forgotten that we were in LA that night. I seemed to have gotten carried away with Tegan. Even though I wasn't ready to commit, the last thing I wanted was to see Tegan flaunting her relationship with Lindsey in front of me. "Are you coming to the party, Sara?"

"I guess so," I said shakily, "If I'm not tired." I repeated his words. I think Tegan could tell what I was thinking. I knew for a fact though that at some point, she was going to use it in spite of me. I wasn't sure how I could deal with that.

"We'll have karaoke Sara… Bon Jovi?" Tegan said, finally turning her attention to me for the first time. Ted watched me intently, begging me to say yes.

"Okay," I answered, sparking enthused reactions from the pair, "for Bon Jovi."

We arrived in LA much quicker than I wanted to. We flew through sound check, leaving too much time to spare. Tegan spent the majority of the time on the phone so I couldn't kill time with her. I was just wandering aimlessly like a lost puppy. Like every show, Tegan and I gathered with the rest of the band, having private down time half an hour before set. We went on stage, played one of the best shows ever. Tegan had a very different, uplifted mood. Everything was easy. Again, after the show, we had band down time for thirty minuets… but that was when Lindsey showed up.

"Hey guys!" she said, running over to Tegan and pulling her in a tight hug. She began kissing her, letting herself get more familiar with Tegan's lips. A stab of envy shot through my heart but I was still compelled to watch them. In the kiss, Tegan opened her eyes and locked with mine. It wasn't a look of spite either; it was as if to say 'I'm yours'. They pulled out of the kiss and Lindsey turned around to everyone, smiling. "So, is everyone coming to the party tonight?" There was a mixture of nods around the room and Lindsey bounced in excitement. "Come on Tee, we've got to set up." She grabbed Tegan's hand and dragged her out of the room quickly.

"Lindsey looks happy," Ted stated, chuckling to himself. I sat next to him on the backstage couch, snuggling into his arm. Ted was like a brother to me. I stayed with him for a while; I actually forgot how much I enjoyed his company. We hung around the bus before we had to make our way over to Tegan and Lindsey's place.

When we arrived at the party, the house apartment was already buzzing with life. The music was loud and everywhere was slightly crowded with people. It was Lindsey who greeted us in, pulling us into hugs and taking our jackets. Ted and I grabbed a drink, and went straight to the living room, ignoring everywhere else. Tegan and quite a few others were already in there. Most people were dancing but Tegan was stood by a stereo nursing a drink. Lindsey came back in a sat across the room from me on the floor.

Feeling spontaneous, I got up to dance. I'd had more than my fair share of alcohol by this point so I just let go of all my inhabitations. Starting to feel confident now with myself, I wandered over to Lindsey and sat on her; swinging each leg either side into a straddle position. At first she was startled but laughed it off with me. "Hey! My Girlfriend!" I heard the shout from across the room. Before I knew it, Tegan grabbed the back of my shirt and hauled me onto the floor. She protectively pulled Lindsey into her arms and kissed her too genuinely for me to deal with. Now, she was playing the spite card. I got up and joked with myself; acting like there was nothing wrong.

"I'm getting another drink." I announced, walking towards the door for the kitchen.

"I'm coming with you," Ted yelled after me. I went to grab a beer from the fridge but he clutched onto my hand before I could protest. "I don't think you should have any more, Sara." He glanced at me solemnly, his face filled with worry. I pulled him into a tight hug, needing to feel that closeness in those moments. "Look," he started, "you're drinking too much tonight and I don't want to make assumptions, but something tells me you're not okay. Tegan just started being happy again and I can't deal with the other half now being upset. You don't have to talk to me, but I'm sure everything will be fine. Do you just miss Stacy or something?"

I held onto him tighter, hesitating with my answer, not being able to get Tegan off my mind. "Something like that," I murmured. He didn't say anymore after that. He just held me. It was all he needed to do too. I relaxed into him, finally getting a piece of mind.

Ted went off to rejoin the party but I went to the bedroom, needing a quite break. I opened the door, discovering two silhouettes, kissing each other lovingly. I switched on the light, only to find Tegan and Lindsey standing before me. Lindsey blushed in embarrassment and giggled slightly. She quickly kissed Tegan again and brushed out of the room, muttering her apologies and closing the door behind her.

My eyes fell to Tegan's, who had no emotion plastered on her face at all. "Are you happy now?" I asked calmly, folding my arms across my chest defensively.

"Not really," she glanced down, shuffling her feet.

"What do you want me to do Tegan?"

Her eyes joined mine again firmly, "admit it."

"Admit what?" I said acting clueless.

"You know what." She slowly backed me onto the wall and put her arms around me; not quite touching but I could still feel their weight. "Say it," she demanded.

"Okay," I sighed, "I'm jealous."

"You're what?" she teased.

"I'm jealous." I repeated sharply. She smiled to herself, obviously feeling smug. She lunged onto me, kissing hard and desperate. She rummaged for my jeans, tucking her hand inside and reaching for my clit. I gasped and completely caved into her. I couldn't even protest. She pounded me fast, wanting to do this quickly, I presumed. Not that she wanted it to be quick, just with Lindsey being in such a close proximity, she couldn't be too careful. I bucked into her hand, revelling under the touch. She kissed me to muffle the moans escaping from my throat and worked faster. The rushed feeling of this felt unsettling but approaching my orgasm, it wasn't like I was going to ask her to stop.

Just as I was ready to cum, she withdrew her fingers, teasing me with them. "Tell me you love me," she whispered against my lips. I grabbed the back her neck and danced my fingertips in swirls on her nape.

"No, not like this." She frowned at my statement, blatantly dissatisfied; forcing me to elaborate. "I don't want the first time to say I love you to be slurred in the midst of a pity fuck. I want you to know that I mean it and I need you to know that I mean it. So, please- put your fingers back inside me and let me justify my love." She beamed at me, shoving her hand back into the contents of my jeans. She circled my clit with her thumb and deepened her thrusts. In no time at all, I was flowing onto her fingers, leaving my mark under momentary circumstances. She withdrew, sucking her fingers into her mouth and lapping up my juices. I pressed my lips to hers, tasting myself on her tongue.

"I really love you," she said, unable to repress the smile cutting into her face.

"I know." I kissed her again, dragging out my time before we would have to rejoin the party.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Sorry that it's taking me forever to update these days. I'm really busy and having four different fics to work on all at the same time comes with difficulty. Thank you for your positive reinforcement and such, and I hope you enjoy this one. It's a bit of a short chapter but the next one is when all the shit's going to go down, so hopefully it'll be longer.

* * *

I curled into the sheets where I was sleeping. I found myself in my familiar bunk. My head was clouded and my brain throbbed inside my skull. I suddenly regretted how much I'd have to drink last night. The last thing I remembered about going back into the party with Tegan, was avoiding Lindsey so I didn't have to address my guilt.

I drew back the curtain and partially crawled out. My hair was dishevelled and was avid with untidiness. My eyes stung and I blinked hard a couple of times to try and adjust to the light. "Hey." I was met with Ted's soft voice, looking round to see him sat at the dining table.

"Hey," I groaned, still hanging out of my bunk, "where is everyone?"

"Still at Tegan and Lindsey's place," He smiled gently.

I peered around again, finding every last bunk empty. "Everyone? Still?"

"Yeah," his tone dropped and I couldn't help but notice the sadness. I got out of my bunk properly and staggered over to him. I scratched the back of my head and sat down opposite him at the table.

"I don't remember anything," I stated. "What happened?"

"Well, everyone was intended to sleep but I found you crying in the bathroom so I brought you back here… I hope you don't mind… And don't worry, no one else saw." He shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"Did I tell you why I was crying?"

He hesitated, "no… I didn't really ask to be honest with you. I sometimes forget how violent your mood swings can be when you drink."

"Yeah…" I nodded, not entire certain of what to say to him, "I'm sorry for making you leave the party, Ted."

He smiled widely and giggled a little, "no, no, it's okay. I didn't want to sleep on the floor anyway. Plus, here was more quiet and comfortable. And, I knew you'd be safe so…" I reached across the table and rested my hand on his.

"Thanks Ted. You're a real friend." We exchanged smiles before I left him to watch TV. I struggled a brush though my hair in an attempt to tame it a little. I took a couple of aspirin, begging the burning in my head to stop. We had another night in LA before we hit the road. So, basically, I had a whole day of waiting around for Tegan, yet again. I mainly hung out with Ted whilst he protectively watched over me. I knew that my behaviour was scaring him, so it was difficult to hold back the tortured, guilty thoughts.

Ted and I hung around near the venue, going out for coffee together and jamming together for a while. The rest of the band joined us mid afternoon for sound check. Tegan shielded her eyes with sunglasses and the guys looked pretty worse for ware. It looked like only Ted and I had recovered from our hangovers. I also had no doubt that the team had all come from straight from the house. Nonetheless, no questions were asked. We sailed swiftly through sound check and Tegan even played a little bit of When I Get Up, which wasn't really rare but it didn't happen a lot these days.

After sound check, we all just lounged in the backstage dressing room. Tegan still kept her sunglasses on and I was slightly worried about her. Something just didn't feel right and I got the feeling she was avoiding me. I managed to get her alone for the first time by following her to the bathroom. Admittedly, I was kind of anxious to talk to her.

"Hi," I said timidly, hoping she wouldn't suddenly be aggressive toward me.

"Hey," she replied smiling, washing her hands.

"Are you okay?" I leant back on the other sink, watching her intently.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled in reassurance.

"No reason." I reached for her sunglasses but she quickly moved back and winced. "Let me see." I said sternly. My protective instincts for her were taking over and worry started to fog in the corners of my mind. She surrendered to my order and passed me the expensive shades. She revealed a dark purple ring under her right eye. I gasped and gently stroked the skin with the pad of my thumb. There wasn't any noticeable damage to the actual eye itself but I was scared for her anyway. "What happened?" I asked, letting my thumb caress the skin back and forth. She gulped and looked to me, fear building in her eyes.

"Lindsey found out…" I stopped touching the bruising, my heartbeat speeding up unhealthily.

"H-How," The stutter lingered on my tongue.

"I told her." Tegan looked down at her shoes, beginning to cry then.

"Oh, Tee," I went to rub her arm, "Does anybody else know."

"No," she shook her head, "I told her last night but she hasn't spoken to me since."

"Fuck." I muttered, taking her hands in mine to try to give her some kind of support. "What are we going to do?"

"She won't tell anyone if that's what you're scared about." Tegan said bluntly. The harshness ringing in my ears.

"So, are you two... like… over?" I swung our arms gently from side to side by I still couldn't grasp her attention.

"What do you think?" Tegan started to cry harder and sob viciously.

"It's okay Tee…" I circled my fingers over her knuckles and tried to comfort her.

"No it's not." She finally looked at me, her black eye more swollen from the tears. I slipped my fingers away from hers and wiped her tears away with my fingertips. I cupped her jaw in my hands and brought her lips to mine, delicately kissing away the hurt.

"I love you," I said, clear enough for her to hear. Tears rolled from my own eyes, crumbling with her. She placed her hands on my waist and kissed me lightly. She was treating me like I would break if she touched me too hard; like I was some kind of fragile article.

We were interrupted by a knocking at the door. "Sara? Tegan? Are you in there? It's Ted. Are you guys okay?" I passed the sunglasses back to Tegan and stole a final kiss before taking her hand in mine.

"Yeah, we're fine," I called to him. I guided Tegan out of the bathroom, steadying her at my side. She needed me right now and I would be there for her as long as she needed me. I led her to the backstage room, holding her hand the entire time.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** I know I said that shit was going to go down in this chapter, but it didn't go the way I'd initially planned. This is still a fairly short chapter and I promise, seriously, that the next one will be longer. Anyway, I hope you like this one. It was just sort of me getting everything out of the way as it were... I haven't really read through it so I apologize for mistakes and such. Well, enjoy.

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With little time before the show, I left Tegan in the safe hands of Ted and went to find Lindsey. Tegan and Lindsey's apartment wasn't far from the venue, so it wasn't difficult to hurriedly rush along the concrete. I didn't plan to stay long, knowing full well that Tegan would be anxious on an unhealthy level.

When I reached the door, I knocked hard so that she would hear. I shifted awkwardly on the step waiting impatiently for her to open the door. When it swung open, I watched her face drop upon seeing me. She hung defensively in the doorway. "What do you want?" the hostile twang in her throat almost piercing.

"Can I come in?" I was calm with her, not wanting to communicate aggressively.

She glanced around before answering, "No," she spat back distrustfully.

"Come on, do you really want to talk about this so publicly?" I tried to reason with her.

"Talk about what?" I wasn't prepared to deal with her shit. Honestly, her playing dumb just pissed me off.

"You _know _what." There was firmness in my voice that hadn't been there before. Reluctantly, she stepped aside, letting me pass. As I walked through the doorway, she pressed her body against me, sort of keeping her territory. I didn't blame her, but her childishness certainly pissed me off.

I led the way into the living room and settled on the couch. She chose to stand, taking place across the room from me. It was awkward and tense, so I struggled to get my words out a little bit. "You hit her," I started, not knowing what else to say.

"She deserved it." Lindsey folded her arms across her chest.

"Physical violence is never the way to go." I sort of cringed saying that, thinking of all the times Tegan and I had gotten into violent fights.

"Well, I think finding out your girlfriend was cheating on you with her own sister is a pretty good excuse to punch her in the face." Her tone had turned vicious again.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, glancing down at my feet.

"No you're not." Lindsey moved to the chair near the stereo. The room was still kind of untidy from last night.

"Look, Lindsey," I turned toward her, "I didn't mean for it to happen, I just-"

"I don't want to hear about the ins and outs of your dysfunctional fuck fest. I don't know what you expected from coming to talk to me, but I don't want to hear your apologies." My heart sank; I felt like dying. "I may have caused some physical pain to Tegan. But her bruises will fade in time. You are the only one who can hurt her emotionally, and nothing I can do will ever change that. She loves you, Sara. She loves you more than I love her, and that's saying something… Are you even in love her?" I froze at her words. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. "You need to start making up your fucking mind Sara. She may have my heart but you have hers. Just don't fuck around with her. And before you say anything, I can't be her friend but that doesn't mean I don't want her to be happy…" She sighed deeply and paused for a moment. "Just make sure it was worth it." She got up then and stood in the doorway to the living room, giving me the hint to leave. "I packed her stuff in a couple of bags near the front door. Will you take some?" I nodded in reply, standing up and beginning towards the porch. It was odd how the two of us were so torn, overwhelmed with emotion. I took as many bags as I could carry before she opened the door to let me out.

"Hey, Lindsey?" She looked up at me, making eye contact properly. "I really am sorry." She smiled weakly and nodded a little. I felt guilty about it all. I really did. I couldn't even begin to think about what she was going through. The walk back to the venue was probably the longest walk I'd had in a while. I had to choke back tears the entire way, forcing back the remorse.

When I got back to the venue, I had to explain everything to Tegan but she seemed to be okay. She'd managed to cover up her bruises pretty well with make up. Her mood dropped over the bags but she wasn't going to get too hung up about it this close to the show. We rearranged the set a little bit and kept sad songs to a minimum. During the ones we did keep on the setlist, I made sure to keep firm eye contact with Tegan. That way, I knew she wouldn't cry. I was proud of her for being so strong, particularly under the circumstances.

After the show, it was easy to see that Tegan wanted to go to bed. She looked so mentally drained and exhausted. She stayed for a little band reflection/down time but pretty much left as soon as it was appropriate. Understandably, I went with her, just keeping a watchful eye. She enjoyed having me there so I had confidence knowing that I wasn't irritating her. I followed her back to the bus, where she began to strip down for bed.

The bus was a little cluttered since I'd arranged for some of the staff to collect Tegan's stuff from Lindsey's; so that Tegan wouldn't have to go herself. I had no doubt that she'd talk to her again at some point but for now, I think she understood this was good for her.

She climbed into her bunk, pulling the sheets right up to her chin. "Sara, will you sleep with me tonight?" I nodded and began stripping down myself. I was a little hesitant. I hated sleeping in the tiny bunk by myself and it would be even worse with two people. I just couldn't find it in my heart to say no to Tegan. Not tonight. I climbed in and wrapped my arms around her waist. She snuggled into me and gazed into my eyes. She'd been worn out of tears now, but her eyes appeared swollen and sore. She extended her neck a little and kissed me gently, applying moisture to my lips.

"Sara?" she whispered, trying to keep her voice down. The crew could come on the bus and join us at some point.

"Yes?" I hugged her closer to me.

"Can we be together now?"

I suddenly tensed, unsure of how to react. I still wasn't ready for this kind of commitment; it made me feel anxious. "I don't know," I sighed.

Her face dropped and she looked defeated then. It was like watching her whole existence just give up. "Why?"

I struggled to find an excuse. "Well… Tee… don't you think it's a little soon? I mean, you and Lindsey just broke up," I paused to kiss her forehead, "don't you think we should wait a little while?"

"I've waited too long already," she chuckled and brushed the tip of her nose against mine.

"Oh come on, you've only been waiting a couple of weeks." I laughed with her, planting gentle kisses between words.

"You're only counting since the first time we- you know- onwards. Sara, I've loved you since we were teenagers. I never said anything because I figured you'd hate me but… you've always been the one for me. I've been waiting for this for as long as I remember and now I'm finally giving myself up to you. Please, take my heart."

I looked into her eyes. In a way, I felt pressured into my answer, but I had to force myself to be ready. "Okay," I whispered, "But let's talk about this in the morning, yeah?" She nodded in return and laid her head into my chest. I cuddled her tighter, enjoying her body heat warming my soul. Come to think of it, I was meant for Tegan. As scared as I was of commitment, I loved her from the bottom of my heart. I really did. It haunted me in fact. I couldn't help but feel like I'd changed us forever; I just couldn't decide if that was for better or for worse.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up to Tegan's arm slung over my waist. Deep in sleep she breathed steadily; warmth radiating off her. I climbed out the bunk as quietly as I could, trying my best not to disturb her. I was successful and took no time to make myself decent and put on a baggy shirt and some spanx lying around from the day before. I was the first up, which gave me comfort because it meant I didn't have to converse with anyone. I turned my attention to the book I'd been trying to read all week but never quite got the time for it. Page after page of magically worded paradise.

Gradually, human activity accumulated around me but I just ignored it, lost in my book. Eventually the inevitable happened and I was brought out of my trance. Tegan slammed my phone down on the table. She brought her mouth close to my ear so no one else would hear her, "break up with her," she hissed sharply. Then, she left and wandered back into the bunk area from which she came. I glanced down at the phone and grimaced. I'd forgotten about Stacy. In actual fact, I hadn't spoken to her in months just because I didn't want to. I opened her contact, discovering the '26 unread messages' I'd collected over the short time. My thumb hovered over the 'call' button but I just couldn't press it. The thought of hearing her heart breaking over the phone would be too much to bear. The truth was, I didn't really want to break up with her. She was my safety net and I didn't want to give myself up to Tegan, but there was literally no way out of this.

Swiftly deciding not to call, I sent her a brief text_, "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."_ I really was the asshole of all girlfriends. I then looked around for Tegan but found only Shaun hanging around in the bunk area. By the looks of things, Ted and Tegan had gone off somewhere. I was too tired to look for them so I picked up my book again, only, this time, my mind couldn't quite settle. I crept into the habit of reading the same sentence repeatedly and I was forced to give up.

I stood up, my bones clicking and aching from being sat too long. I hated days where we just had to stick around in the bus outside the venue. Really, I was in need of a shower and my hair was greasy as fuck. Unfortunately for me however, Tegan had to break up with Lindsey, which took away all shower privileges.

I ventured inside the venue, noticing a small gathering of fans outside the doors. As expected, I discovered Tegan and Ted jamming backstage. As soon as I walked in, their laughing fell silent and Tegan's eyes turned discretely firm. "Did you do it?" the words felt piercing in the air. I nodded in reply and smiled weakly. Her face lifted and she grinned like crazy.

"Do what?" Ted cut in innocently. Tegan waved her hand at him, dismissing the comment and returning to strum empty chords. I sat with them and watched for a while. The relaxed attitude of my company calmed me greatly and I felt myself finally unwind after the tense previous 24 hours. When Shaun and Johnny joined us, it seemed to feel even better and we all just weaved in and out of giggles and conversation. Every now and again, Chris, Craig and other staff would participate but they were still busy with the task at hand. We were disrupted for an hour's sound check, but the light-hearted mood continued into the day.

Weirdly, the show we played that night was one of the best shows we'd ever played. Obviously there were a few tense moments on songs like Call It Off when Tegan ripped into fresh wounds but we seemed to cope okay. The thing was, I knew that breaking up with Lindsey tore Tegan apart. She may have seemed strong on the surface, but she was crumbling and cracks were gaping in her foundations. She was desperately trying to glue and tape herself back together; I was all she had left.

After the show, we even opened a couple of beers, letting the festivities drift onward. Tegan and I had been physically distant all day but I knew she craved it. There were only so many subtle touches in front of our band mates I could take. After a while, I hastily tugged her aside into the privacy the tour bus. We were unnoticed and no one really wanted to go back to the bus just yet so we were in the clear. I knew that Tegan's pent up angst was in great need of an orgasm and I was more than happy to be the provider.

As soon as the door to the bus was closed, Tegan removed her pants and sat down on the bus' couch. "Keen are we?" I teased, kneeling in front of her.

"I'm just scared the others will be suspicious," she giggled, "That and I'm so wet for you I don't think I can take it anymore." I smirked at her, running my fingers over her dampened boxers. She flinched immediately, inhaling sharply. I shifted the boy shorts aside gently and let my fingers brush her folds. She coated my fingertips immediately, warmth radiating from her core. Breaths caught in the back of my throat, I was thrown off guard by her. She lifted my chin up to her and kissed me softly, encouraging me further. She lifted her pelvis and I tugged down her boxers, leaving her cunt exposed. I licked my lips at her and dragged my nails across the sensitive skin on her pale thighs. She winced slightly, the juices running down from her slit to the couch. She pleaded to me with her eyes and chewed nervously on her labret. "Please," she whispered, rolling her hips desperately. Caving, I lunged in and plunged my tongue into her deeply. She threw her hand back and clung hopelessly to the cushions on the sofa. Her hips bucked and she was soon grinding against my face. Lapping at her core, I glanced up at her through my heavy eyelashes. Her neck was strained and she clenched her jaw, trying to conceal the moans swelling behind her teeth. However she failed, letting hums escape and rattle around the tour bus. She rocked her pelvis hard, each sway letting me hit her perfectly. I licked at her ferociously, strategically pushing the sweet friction on her clit. Her body writhed and the convulsions coming from her were almost inhuman. "Sara…" She moaned louder than would usually be acceptable. She quickly hushed herself but it merely spurred me on further.

Just as she was about to crash, her body came to a halt entirely. I knew she didn't cum. The eerie change her demeanour struck me like a blade. I looked up, finding the colour drained from her face. Her eyes were wide and fixed behind me. I pulled away from her, a string of cum clinging to my lower lip as I turned my head. A similar expression smothered my own face as I wiped Tegan from my mouth. Ted stood rigidly, his eyes flicking restlessly between us. The uncomfortable angst knocked the air out of our lungs and the stale oxygen became difficult to breath. He froze for a few moments but after the initial shock had crept well into his system, he jolted away from us.

I got to my feet hurriedly and ran after him. Bolting into the venue, I caught his waist and backed him against the well. "Ted- Ted- Ted- It's not what it looks like. Ted, look at me. Ted, please I'm sorry." I tugged his shirt harshly, trying to get a response. He did nothing, only staring out in front of him. The taller man towered above me and my cries for attention were easily dismissed.

"Stacy's here," He said calmly, his gaze avidly avoiding mine, "She's backstage." Panic swept me into an abyss that'd violently turned into my worst nightmare.

"Ted, please don't tell anyone." He still looked away, refusing to grace me with anything to do with himself. I was forced to walk away but he was unmoved from his spot. The trauma of this finding out was all too much and being the one to have known us for so long, I guess it would hurt him more than anyone else anyway.

I suddenly felt terribly self-conscious. I straightened out my hair and pulled my clothes but nothing seemed to feel right. I felt like everything about my appearance was just evidence of Tegan that I couldn't wash away. Unsettled, I walked into the backstage room, feeling more anxious than any time could I could remember.

"Sara, what the fuck is going on?" Stacy said sternly, marching over all too confidently. Shaun perked up then, alert for her next move. My mind automatically running to Tegan, I was terrified she knew.

"What?" My throat was dry and all the words I'd been capable of saying, slipped out of my voice box.

"You text me saying that it's over when we've not even spoken in months. Do you really think I could just walk away from this? What the hell are you playing at?" She turned more aggressive, the hurt clouding in her eyes.

"I- I just- don't want to be with you anymore," I stuttered weakly and toyed mercilessly with the hem of my shirt.

"Why? What did I do? Was it something I did?" The deafening sadness rang in her voice.

"No. You didn't- You did nothing. I-"

"It's not you it's me, right?" She folded her arms across her chest defensively.

"Yes. It's me. Look you don't want me, just away now before I-"

"Don't tell me what I want Sara," She scolded, cutting me off again.

"Please, don't be like this." In that moment, Tegan and Ted walked in the door, looking like destroyed versions of their previous selves. Their arrival had reminded me of Johnny and Shaun, who were still standing there looking blankly between themselves.

"You!" Stacy started, "It's you. Isn't it?" She lunged for Tegan, throwing her blaze at her.

Shaun stepped in, grabbing Stacy and holding her away from Tegan. "Hey, calm down!"

"Let go of me!" Stacy lashed at him, breaking from his grasp furiously.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk." Ted's words cut into the empty space making everyone go quiet. He turned solemnly and plucked himself from the tortured room.

"Tegan, I think you should go with him," Shaun stated.

"I really don't think-" He silenced her defence and she followed suit.

"Come on, Johnny." Shaun ushered his friend outside and they left Stacy and I alone. The sound of the door shutting gently screamed so loud in my ears.

"Stacy," I began, knowing that the next words I say would be the most important I'd say for a while. "I love you. I just can't do this. I found somebody else, and I can't carry on knowing that you're not the one my heart belongs to. The stars don't align like they should, you know? I just don't feel…" I sighed deeply, "Do you understand?"

She brought her face close to mine, "I hope it was worth it," She spat spitefully, her words too common; mirroring Lindsey from the day before. In her eyes, I saw her heart shattering. She turned and headed for the door quickly.

"Stacy." I stopped her in her tracks and she looked back at me one last time. "I'm sorry." Inhaling sharply, her hasty exit blurred in my head and she disappeared from sight, leaving me all alone to battle with my conflicted thoughts.


End file.
